Resources & Information

The Relationship Institute offers you a library of useful resources including articles, PDF’s, and links to other resources for relationship assistance and conflict resolution.

These tools are designed for you to improve your ability to be a good partner in any relationship, education about what comprises such a relationship and how to evaluate your relative relationship strengths and weaknesses.

Intimacy After Infidelity

order Intimacy After Therapy bookDrs. Solomon and Teagno’s first book, “Intimacy after Infidelity” was published in November, 2006. The authors are recognized clinical psychologists who specialize in helping couples enrich the intimacy in their relationships.

The book has been featured on local and national television and the authors have been interviewed on many radio stations across the United States and Canada. Their book was reviewed in “San Diego Magazine” in March, 2007. The National Library Review, which only reads and reviews less than 10% of all newly-published books, read and gave its highest endorsement and recommendation to “Intimacy after Infidelity”, citing the book’s specific and general value to couples struggling with infidelity and desiring to build a rock solid relationship.

Click here to purchase the book on Amazon.

Drs. Solomon & Teagno contributed two chapters to the book “Recovering Intimacy in Love Relationships: A Clinician’s Guide” by Carlson & Sperry (Routledge 2010) detailing the TRI Intimacy Therapy approach to healing and recovering from infidelity. This book is a compilation of the work of master relationship therapists, and represents the their thinking, research and therapeutic approaches in working with intimate couples in crisis.

Resources for Therapists

TRI Orientation

Clinicians looking to learn more about TRI and Intimacy Therapy should read our chapters about “Recovering From Sexual and Other Types of Infidelity” in the Carlson & Sperry book entitled, “Recovering Intimacy in Love Relationships: A Clinician’s Guide”, Spring, 2010. Click here to purchase the book on Amazon.

Couples Therapy for Grown-Ups
Key Concepts for Change in Couples Therapy
LTLR Developmental Therapy: Overview & Goals
It’s Not About Me
The Three Dealbreakers
The Three Intimacies
The Therapists Handout Checklist

Skill Building Exercises for Clients

Analyzing Affection Intimacy in your LTLR Exercise
Emotions: The Short List
Emotional Self Awareness (ESA)”: builds Self Intimacy
Intimacy through Tension Exercise”: builds Conflict Intimacy
I-to-I Maturity Goals”: continues to strengthen Conflict Intimacy
Responding versus Reacting to Your Partner

Infidelity Information

Training on the TRI Developmental Model of Long-term Love Relationships (LTLR) is available in an on-line course entitled, “Making Up Is Hard To Do – Couples Therapy After Infidelity” which can be accessed through This training is approved by the American Psychological Association (APA), the Association of Social Work Boards (ASWB), the National Board for Certified Counselors (NBCC), and the New York State Education Department’s State Board for Social Work (NYSED-SBSW) as approved continuing education. Click here for further details or enrollment.

Rebuilding Trust and Rekindling Your Relationship
Betrayal and Trust Building Behaviors
The Three Types of Infidelity

General Relationship Education

Red Flags in Relationships
Destructive and Growth Producing Behaviors
Responding versus Reacting to Your Partner

Client Homework Handouts

Analyzing Affection Intimacy in your LTLR Exercise
Emotional Self Awareness (ESA) Exercise
My Vision for My Relationship
How to Avoid Differentiation
A Checklist for Relationship Health
Betrayal and Trust Building Behaviors

Therapy Session Handouts

1. Prior to initial intake session:

Couples Intake Questionnaire

2. After initial intake session:

Key Concepts for Change in Couples Therapy
It’s Not About Me
The Emotional Self Awareness (ESA) Exercise

3. At the first session when the couple has been introduced to and used the Intimacy through Tension (I-to-I) format they each leave with the following handouts:

The Intimacy through Tension Exercise
My Vision for My Relationship

4. At the second or third therapy session the couple is presented with the Developmental I-to-I handout and leave the session with:

The I-to-I Maturity Goals
How to Avoid Differentiation

News, Interviews & Reviews

Since the publication of their book “Intimacy After Infidelity” by New Harbinger Publications in November 2006, Drs. Solomon & Teagno have made numerous appearances on television, radio and in the print media.

Books for Personal Growth, Relationship Development and Infidelity Recovery

“After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful” by Janis Abrahms Spring

Janis Spring is a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples overcome infidelities. Her book is a salve for those who are suffering from the discovery of betrayal and is equally as profound for the unfaithful partner. She does a fine job of describing what each partner is going through. She also presents the reader with checklists and practical ways to negotiate rebuilding trust. Read more on Amazon.

“Around the House and in the Garden: A Memoir of Heartbreak, Healing, and Home Improvement” by Dominique Browning

A good book to read as you’re recovering from an infidelity alone or when you’re choosing a divorce. Browning provides hope that you will recover and rediscover yourself. Read more on Amazon.

“Back from Betrayal: Saving a Marriage, A Family, A Life” by Suzy Farbman; Afterword by Suzy & Burton Farbman

This book is written by a woman who discovered her husband’s infidelity after twenty-five years of marriage. She does an excellent job of communicating her devastation and sense of disorientation. The book includes the details of her recovery from the hurt and her personal work to heal in therapy. A wonderful addition to the book is the afterword by her husband, who writes honestly and frankly about his infidelities, his reasoning and his reckoning with his choices, and their effects on his wife, himself, and their marriage. This is an excellent book to read once you have gotten past the initial shock of the discovery. Read more on Amazon.

“How Can I Get Through to You?” By Terrence Real

A primer on how to communicate and listen effectively; what works and what fails us individually and as a couple. A clear, concise and informative book. Read more on Amazon.

“If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path” by Charlotte Kasl

This book offers practical and sound guidance to remind the reader of what contributes to a strong, loving, and growing partnership. It’s a great primer on marriage. Read more on Amazon.

“Letting Go of Anger: The 10 Most Common Anger Styles and What to Do About Them” by Ron Potter-Efron and Pat Potter-Efron

Both authors are family therapists and offer a simple and elegant description of the ways most of us express anger immaturely. The book also provides a clear description of what mature and responsible anger looks and sounds like. This is an excellent book that we recommend to most of our clients. Read more on Amazon.

“Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life” is by Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell

A thought-provoking book that asserts that most of our life difficulties arise out of our resistance to accepting “what is”. A great resource for all of us. Read more on Amazon.

“My Husband’s Affair became the BEST thing that ever happened to me” by Anne Bercht

This book is written for the reader who is in the throes of a partner’s betrayal and needs encouragement to know she’s not crazy nor alone in her agony AND that she will survive the pain and devastation. The author is frank and open about her own odyssey through the betrayal and provides the reader with exacting details about how the awfulness of the discovery later became the opening for a new and better relationship with her husband. Read more on Amazon.

“Straight talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples” by Donna R. Bellafiore

This small book is a powerhouse of information about the stages of emotional responses that couples go through with any significant betrayal. The author provides the reader with simple, clear and powerful information and a guide for how to work their way out of the haze that a betrayal brings to a relationship. The reader is empowered with steps to help them maintain stability and how to determine if the partners want to recover and rebuild the relationship. Read more on Amazon.

“Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from Pain” by Rona Subotnik and Gloria Harris

This is a nuts-and-bolts approach to making the decision to stay or go. It offers a range of considerations and helps the reader with specific ways to deal with obsessive thoughts and many fears and feelings. Read more on Amazon.

“Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage” by Ellyn Bader and Peter T. Pearson

Written by two psychologists who specialize in marriages and relationships, the book focuses on how we inadvertently or deliberately lie to our partners to avoid conflict. The authors bring their own marriage to the text as well as sample couples who illustrate the choices couples make that result in strengthening or weakening relationships and intimacy. Read more on Amazon.

“The All or Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriage Work” by Eli Finkel

Finkel’s insightful and ground-breaking book reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better. This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. Read more on Amazon.

“The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart” by Constance Ahrons

If you determine that your relationship is unsalvageable, this is a fine resource for making the best of a very sad choice. It is an especially important book if you have children. Read more on Amazon.

“The Intimacy Factor” by Pia Mellody
One of her four books on relationships. This one focuses on how be intimate and how to receive intimacy. This is a must read. Read more on Amazon.

“The Myth of Monogamy” by Peggy Vaughn

An excellent book, salve and roadmap for readers who are in the throes of the pain of betrayal to those doing the hard work of recovering and those experiencing relief as they determine how to proceed with the relationship. Written by a pre-eminent expert in the field who first and foremost is someone who has survived and thrived after her spouse’s infidelities, she writes about the successful marriage she and her husband have today. Peggy has written several other books and all are helpful to couples dealing with both infidelity and the “normal” challenges of any marriage. Read more on Amazon.

“The Rough Patch” by Daphne de Marneffe

Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. She addresses common problems: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. Then, de Marneffe offers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, explaining the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Read more on Amazon.

“The State of Affairs” by Esther Perel
A compelling book which discusses the various reasons individuals have affairs and how couples can understand the impact, their choices and making meaning out of the impact. Read more on Amazon.

Useful Resource Links

The Couples Institute –

A site we highly recommend. We have trained and worked with
Drs. Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson for almost a decade. They are talented therapists who have two books and many training tools for therapists as well as much knowledge to share with clients.

Continuing Education Courses –

ContinuingEdCourses.Net provides the highest quality, most up-to-date continuing education courses on the Internet.

New Harbinger Publications –

For more than thirty years, New Harbinger Publications has brought readers effective, scientifically sound self-help books that deal with a range of topics in psychology, health, and personal growth.

Challenge Yourself!

Challenge yourself to learn what expectations and anxieties you bring to your LTLR by completing the four FIRSTS handouts.

The Relationship Institute

Sharing the secrets of
Long-Term Love Relationships
with individuals, couples and therapists.