Books for Personal Growth, Relationship Development and Infidelity Recovery

“After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful” by Janis Abrahms Spring

Janis Spring is a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples overcome infidelities. Her book is a salve for those who are suffering from the discovery of betrayal and is equally as profound for the unfaithful partner. She does a fine job of describing what each partner is going through. She also presents the reader with checklists and practical ways to negotiate rebuilding trust. Read more on Amazon.

“Around the House and in the Garden: A Memoir of Heartbreak, Healing, and Home Improvement” by Dominique Browning

A good book to read as you’re recovering from an infidelity alone or when you’re choosing a divorce. Browning provides hope that you will recover and rediscover yourself. Read more on Amazon.

“Back from Betrayal: Saving a Marriage, A Family, A Life” by Suzy Farbman; Afterword by Suzy & Burton Farbman

This book is written by a woman who discovered her husband’s infidelity after twenty-five years of marriage. She does an excellent job of communicating her devastation and sense of disorientation. The book includes the details of her recovery from the hurt and her personal work to heal in therapy. A wonderful addition to the book is the afterword by her husband, who writes honestly and frankly about his infidelities, his reasoning and his reckoning with his choices, and their effects on his wife, himself, and their marriage. This is an excellent book to read once you have gotten past the initial shock of the discovery. Read more on Amazon.

“How Can I Get Through to You?” By Terrence Real

A primer on how to communicate and listen effectively; what works and what fails us individually and as a couple. A clear, concise and informative book. Read more on Amazon.

“If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path” by Charlotte Kasl

This book offers practical and sound guidance to remind the reader of what contributes to a strong, loving, and growing partnership. It’s a great primer on marriage. Read more on Amazon.

“Letting Go of Anger: The 10 Most Common Anger Styles and What to Do About Them” by Ron Potter-Efron and Pat Potter-Efron

Both authors are family therapists and offer a simple and elegant description of the ways most of us express anger immaturely. The book also provides a clear description of what mature and responsible anger looks and sounds like. This is an excellent book that we recommend to most of our clients. Read more on Amazon.

“Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life” is by Byron Katie & Stephen Mitchell

A thought-provoking book that asserts that most of our life difficulties arise out of our resistance to accepting “what is”. A great resource for all of us. Read more on Amazon.

“My Husband’s Affair became the BEST thing that ever happened to me” by Anne Bercht

This book is written for the reader who is in the throes of a partner’s betrayal and needs encouragement to know she’s not crazy nor alone in her agony AND that she will survive the pain and devastation. The author is frank and open about her own odyssey through the betrayal and provides the reader with exacting details about how the awfulness of the discovery later became the opening for a new and better relationship with her husband. Read more on Amazon.

“Straight talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples” by Donna R. Bellafiore

This small book is a powerhouse of information about the stages of emotional responses that couples go through with any significant betrayal. The author provides the reader with simple, clear and powerful information and a guide for how to work their way out of the haze that a betrayal brings to a relationship. The reader is empowered with steps to help them maintain stability and how to determine if the partners want to recover and rebuild the relationship. Read more on Amazon.

“Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from Pain” by Rona Subotnik and Gloria Harris

This is a nuts-and-bolts approach to making the decision to stay or go. It offers a range of considerations and helps the reader with specific ways to deal with obsessive thoughts and many fears and feelings. Read more on Amazon.

“Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage” by Ellyn Bader and Peter T. Pearson

Written by two psychologists who specialize in marriages and relationships, the book focuses on how we inadvertently or deliberately lie to our partners to avoid conflict. The authors bring their own marriage to the text as well as sample couples who illustrate the choices couples make that result in strengthening or weakening relationships and intimacy. Read more on Amazon.

“The All or Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriage Work” by Eli Finkel

Finkel’s insightful and ground-breaking book reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better. This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today. Read more on Amazon.

“The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart” by Constance Ahrons

If you determine that your relationship is unsalvageable, this is a fine resource for making the best of a very sad choice. It is an especially important book if you have children. Read more on Amazon.

“The Intimacy Factor” by Pia Mellody
One of her four books on relationships. This one focuses on how be intimate and how to receive intimacy. This is a must read. Read more on Amazon.

“The Myth of Monogamy” by Peggy Vaughn

An excellent book, salve and roadmap for readers who are in the throes of the pain of betrayal to those doing the hard work of recovering and those experiencing relief as they determine how to proceed with the relationship. Written by a pre-eminent expert in the field who first and foremost is someone who has survived and thrived after her spouse’s infidelities, she writes about the successful marriage she and her husband have today. Peggy has written several other books and all are helpful to couples dealing with both infidelity and the “normal” challenges of any marriage. Read more on Amazon.

“The Rough Patch” by Daphne de Marneffe

Daphne de Marneffe explores the extraordinary pushes and pulls of midlife marriage, where our need to develop as individuals can crash headlong into the demands of our relationships. She addresses common problems: money, alcohol and drugs, the stresses of parenthood, sex, extramarital affairs, lovesickness, health, aging, children leaving home, and dealing with elderly parents. Then, de Marneffe offers seasoned wisdom on these difficulties, explaining the psychological, emotional, and relational capacities we must cultivate to overcome them as individuals and as couples. Read more on Amazon.

“The State of Affairs” by Esther Perel
A compelling book which discusses the various reasons individuals have affairs and how couples can understand the impact, their choices and making meaning out of the impact. Read more on Amazon.